Guantanamo Bay is still a hellhole

This is COMPLETELY ridiculous. This SHOULD NOT happen under the authority of this country.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/10/31/AR2005103101987.html

concert

Tonight I went to this concert: http://www.hancher.uiowa.edu/events05/eighth.html

Though Golijov's Ayre was quite impressive, I was more moved by the simple songs of Gustavo Santaolalla, the Argentinian guitarist who wrote the music for The Motorcycle Diaries. He's got an unusual voice, and uses it to great effect. One song "Porque?" really struck a chord, and I checked the translation afterwards: "Something is gone that was never born. Why?"
Ah.
I couldn't get through The Motorcycle Diaries, when I tried to rent it, because it had a love story. I cannot watch any movie, right now, where people even kiss. I've got Rebel without a Cause at home right now, and I'm loving the action sequences, but then the damn fools fall in love, and I had to turn it off. What a waste of $1.99. I managed to get through a new, longer version of The Outsiders last weekend, but with difficulty, and several beers. Now, mind you, there's no love story there, but at one point one brother puts his arms around the other before they go to sleep, and I just lost it. Oh well. I just wake up, do stuff, go to bed, and eventually, I'll get some kind of healing. I just wish I didn't know the address to his damn blog.

it's not a blue or red thing

I just read an infuriating article in Rolling Stone (http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/8092015?pageid=rs.Politics&pageregion=single1) about the recent "Intellegent Design" court battle in Pennsylvania. Reporter Matt Taibbi characterizes the battle as an amplification of a cultural and political devide that began, in his mind, at the Scopes trial: "the political echo from the Dayton courtroom has grown exponentially louder. The modern right-left, Bush/anti-Bush, red-blue, Hannity-v.-Air America paradigm more than ever mirrors the courtroom geography of the Dayton trial, which pitted the urbane, Europe-loving intellectual of the north against the defiant God-fearing patriot of the south." He believes that there was a victory of ideas for conservative creationists here, though a courtroom defeat. He feels that Intellegent Design is "having a coming-out party as a deliberate satirical echo of the great liberal lie of the modern age: the idea that progressive science and religion can coexist." He believes that liberals are kidding themselves, or at least erecting a massive public facade: "We teach our children the evidence-based materialism of science and tell them they can believe in God and a faith-based morality in their spare time if they like."

Fundamentalism teaches that faith is the absence of doubt. This "faith" does not need proof; it does not operate under the rules of logic. Fundamentalism teaches that if one tenet is proved true, all must be true. In the world of fundamentalism, if we discover that the world is millions of years old, and do not believe that it was literally created in 8 days, we cannot believe that anything else in the Bible can be true, either.

I was brought up in a Christian church, but I was never taught that the world was as simple as that. I was never even presented with the idea that science and religion were not compatible, or if I was, I don't remember it. I was never taught that using the scientific method somehow weakened my faith. It's so hard to describe my faith - sure there's a strain of mysticism, but it's not counter-logical. My religion has always been more about morality than belief in specific miracles. Did Jesus rise from the dead? I like to think so. Would it shatter my faith if I was shown absolute, irrefutable truth that he didn't? Not really. To me, the resurrection is about the victory of good - this peaceful guy got put to death just for saying things that scared people, but they couldn't keep him or his message down. But I've seen the victory of good for myself - I've seen my uncle come back from literally laying in a gutter during the heighth (depth?) of his alcoholism, to playing keyboards in a band and coming to every one of my concerts. I saw my grandfather, a lifelong racist, find a trusted friend in a black trucker, near the end of his life. I know what God can do, firsthand. I put my trust firmly in the world's potential for positive change, rather than its potential to forward its own demise.

John Lennon said, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." That's what I call faith.

The idea that everyone is either a cynical, urban, liberal interllectual, or a bible-thumping, family oriented, rural traditionalist should be obviously ridiculous, but articles like these serve to perpetuate that myth. And it isn't a divide that's exsisted since the Scopes trial - it's a new, artificial division created by the religious right by their propagandized use of issues like abortion and gay marriage to push their agenda. And for some reason, this false division is embraced by a lot of liberals.

The battle of creationism vs. evolution is not about faith vs. logic, republican vs. democrat, religion vs. atheism. It's about people trying to control other people with lies. So why is the left believing them?

the continuing adventures of la mujer solitaria

I read an article by one of the guys in the Beastie Boys, talking about their early days, and the "Fight for Your Right" mania. Nowadays, they're big into fighting sexism and the like, but anyone who remembers their stupid early songs ("Girls", anyone?) kinda wonder how they can pull off such a 180. According to the guy (maybe Adam Yauch?), they wrote "Fight for Your Right" as kind of a joke on all those "Smokin in the boys room" rebellious teenager songs. And if you look at it as parody, the song is pretty friggin funny. He said that something odd happened when that song went big - in concerts, they played it up, they drank cheap beer on stage, and reeled around, pretending to be drunk fraternity guy assholes, and somewhere along the way, they became drunk fraternity guy assholes.

I think this happens to a lot of people - they rent porn to laugh at it, and then they get into it. And there's a lot of violent movies that are supposed to be violent to make a point - often AGAINST violence - but the violence is more compellingly presented than the message itself.

I guess I write this because my friends are all confused about how a friend of mine screwed me over so badly, when we all thought he was nearly "tragically nice." One theory I have is that he's made fun of assholes so long, that he's finally become one.

Good riddance, OOMMA.

an old piece of a poem

I know there's a somewhere and a someday
that somehow I'll find
but in tightrope hours I hold my breath
and steady my feet on the line

No love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Sorry about the title, I was just reading the comments on the lyrics blog.

So today I was reading this book, "A Soprano on Her Head" by Louise Ristad, which is a really good book about the removing mental blocks for good performance, for musicians and others. At the end of the book, where the writer's bio is usually found, there was a short blurb that said something like, "Louise Ristad was working on the sequel to this book, at a friend's mountain cabin, when she died at age 50. She was on the lake when a squall overcame her canoe. She died peacefully of hypothermia."

What?!

Anyway, the book has a chapter called "So you were a flop!" She tells a story of one of her students who experienced the pianist's worst fear - she sat in front of the piano, and could not so much as remember the first note of her piece. She eventually started playing, but couldn't find her way, and eventually just had to stop. Ms. Ristad gave her comforting words afterwards, "it wasn't soooooo bad, nobody really noticed, blah blah". A friend of hers walked up to the girl, and put his arm around her, and said, "So you were a flop!" The girl laughed and cried and talked about how awful it had been. When she was honest with herself about having failed, she no longer felt like a failure.

Something started nagging me in the back of my mind when I read this, especially Ms. Ristad's following paragraphs, where she said that music played tentatively, for risk of failure, never sounds good, and life lived without risk is similarly dull and meaningless.

There's an aspect of my life where I'm playing it too safe, but my mind won't focus in on it yet. It's like the fear blocks it off.

somebody's knockin

An old country song reminds me of the situation with OOMMA:

"Somebody's knockin', should I let him in
Lord, it's the Devil, would you look at him
I've heard about him, but I never dreamed
He'd have blue eyes and blue jeans"

Ha, that song cracks me up. I don't believe in "the devil" in the same way a lot of Christians do, but I do think that evil comes in packages you wouldn't expect. I mean, I had real connection and feeling for OOMMA, and it almost feels like some malevolent force used those things to seduce me into a situation that would become a disaster. Is that passing the buck? Maybe. But I'm learning that beautiful things like love and passion don't exsist in a vacuum - love isn't right just because it's true.

"He must have tapped my telephone line
He must have known I was spendin' my time alone"

The devil is one tricky m-fer.

it's all good

I had my audition at a local church tonight, and I really didn't do all that well. Actually, I felt the job might have been a bit beyond my capabilities, so I wasn't all that surprised. I was surprised, though at how I felt when I got in my car to go home. Back in Maryland, if I did badly on an interview, I would think, "God, I suck" etc etc, and feel horrible about myself. I really think that living in a place where one's job doesn't neccessarily define one gives me more perspective. That, and I did work hard for this audition. I think I skimped a little on the last-minute prep, and may have been a few minutes late (gasp!) but I did *almost* my best.

Yes, I need to work on my skills, be more organized, and generally "get my shit together". I'm not making any excuses for that. But I got in the car, and turned on the radio to the jazz station, and they were playing this incredible piece - it was really good, and unique, and I was in awe of it for a moment. Being able to discern something of quality and meaning in art, and to be moved by it, is one of my gifts. Maybe I won't get to use that gift at this particular job, but I'll still have it. I'll still be me.

I ain't never had too much fun

So tonight I went out drinkin' with my friend Marsha, a minister. Yes, I said I would no longer drink, but it doesn't count if you're with a woman of God :). I was playing piano in the building attached to my house, where Marsha works, and she came in and said, "hey, wanna go to a CD release party at the yacht club (it's a bar, there are no actual yachts roaming up the iowa river)?" She seemed to need moral support, as she might be the only person there over 25 (she's close to my mom's age, probably a little younger). She knew a student who was playing bass in the band, though, and wanted to go. I hopped right up from the piano bench, changed into less frumpy clothes, and headed out.

When we got there, we immediately saw Michael and Nancy, a couple I know. I got some great info from Nancy about working with children's choirs, and about choirs in the area I might like to join. It was great to talk to her and Michael too, because neither of them is doing the office job thing - he's painting houses, she's doing free-lance music teaching jobs. I need outside-the-box-employed role-models, ya know? Anyway, we met up with some guys Marsha knew (all gay) and had a few laughs. Marsha's friend's boyfriend and I bonded a bit, as we were both sort of on the outside of things. The first band was kinda crappy, and I thought - hey - I could do that! I even made a free guitar connection, so perhaps I'm on my way....(to owning a guitar, not to fame and fortune)

There are so many crutches in the world you can hang onto - you can work a regular, 9 to 5 job, and really get something out of it, but so many people work those jobs because they feel they have to, they need the security. And frankly, as my bank account dwindles, I wonder if I don't need that too. But there's more to life out there, if you take hold of opportunity when it comes to you. Half of discernment is the openness. The other is the weeding out. Sometimes we do the weeding out part too fast.

Dreams

As a result of my unemployed state, I am doing a lot more (read: a healthy amount) of sleeping, and thus a lot more dreaming. I had one the other night where I kicked a really scrawny guy's ass. That was pretty satisfying.

Last night I had this surreal dream about a huge factory that everyone called "The Mill". (not to be confused with a hippie hangout bar in Iowa City called The Mill) It was astronomically huge, and scary. The air was dark around it all the time, because there was so much smoke fuming out of its stacks that it blotted out the sun. The factory was as big as a city, and the workers' lives completely revolved around it in cultlike fashion. The people that worked there almost seemed unhuman, less intellegent and more animal-like than regular people. Like zombies or robots or something. Also like a cult, everything about The Mill was shrouded in mystery, even its location. I glimpsed it far off in the distance, and once closer, during the dream, but I never saw the whole thing - I could only imagine the size of this ferocious industrial wasteland. I was doing some kind of research on it, but had trouble finding any information. I went to the house of an old man that had something to do with the mill, or used to, and he wouldn't come to the door, then finally came out of the house screaming, not even seeming to know we were there. I think he threw his telephone at us when we approached him, though. Anyway, I went to find out more, and found a river, very near The Mill, where workers were doing some sort of task. They were calling the river "The Mill" so I got really confused, I would ask where the Mill was, and they were like, "you're here." They were teaching kids (and me) how to move from rapid to rapid in the river without being pulled under. It looked benign, but they told me about the hidden dangers the currents could hold, and I started to get nervous about being in the water. I thought it was kind of fun moving from rock to rock, but they treated it as serious business, as survival. I began to think they were right.

My feeling towards the workers was odd, because though I thought their existence was bleak and mysterious, I felt this urge to join them. I felt like I was on the outside of everything, and wanted to be let in. I was held at an arm's distance from everything, and never allowed to see The Mill in full horrifying view. Even the old man, screaming, with thin skin over brittle bones, seemed to have an intelligence, knowledge, that I would never be privy to, some kind of mystical truths that I hadn't dug deep enough to find.

I wish I could convey to you a picture of the Mill itself, because it was so awe-inspiring - so many smokestacks, tubes and metal bits everywhere, in infinite detail, but on a huge scale. I've always been mystified by industrial scenes, like you see when you ride on a train - there's motion and heat and colossal size, but there seems to be no human life, or life of any kind, anywhere in sight.

I've got another confession to make...

So the saga of Kim and the Work Keys Assesment continues. For those to whom I have not complained about this test, in order to work for a local company that hires a lot of folks, where I could do some clerical or customer service work, I need to take a test that proves I can do basic reading and math. It's one of of the dumb hoops you have to jump through. I had to do something similar to begin applying to university positions, and back home, I had to take a similar test to apply to positions with the county government. For some reason, however, I cannot seem to get to the testing station on time to save my life. Here's the history:

Last March: I visited Iowa, and decided to take the test, as well as the university test, so that I could start applying to jobs, in case I moved out here. I made it to the university test, but on the morning of the Work Keys exam, I took a bus out to the location of the actual company where I would be working. Turns out, that's not where the test is given. Plus, the bus I had taken didn't run back out that way until the end of the day, so I had to walk a half mile through the snow to another bus stop, to get back into town.

Two weeks ago: I look up the address for the testing location, wiser from my previous attempt. I mapquest it, and leave with what I think is enough time. Unfortunately, the route is unfamiliar, and I get pretty lost. Actually I think I was angry that day, and a really angry song had just come on the radio, and I was singing full force, so that may have distracted me too. Anyway, I finally found the general area where the testing location was, but I couldn't be bothered to find the actual building. I figured I would come back later when I was less pissed off.

Last week: I try for the test again. I didn't ever go back to find the place, but I figured if I gave myself plenty of time, I could drive around till I found it. Too bad I forgot my car was parked in the middle of nowhere; so much for my "plenty of time." Though I was late, I worked to find the building. I found NO building that said anything about Iowa Workforce Development. I was baffled.

The other testing day, last week: I call ahead to find the testing area, and get explicit directions from a lady in the office. I ask for landmarks, etc. She tells me that it's "cattycorner" to the mall, whatever that means. Feeling fairly confident, I set out again. However, I again give myself not enough time to walk to the car, and thus, just enough time to get there. Once I'm in the area, I call into the office again, I don't see anything. The only thing "cattycorner" to the mall is a shopping center called Eastdale Plaza. Finally I ask, "Is it in Eastdale Plaza"? "Yes, yes", the guy says. I finally find the right building, and when I come in the door, I'm five minutes late. "Sorry", he says, "it's a timed test and it begins exactly at two. But you can come back next week."

This morning: I wake up in plenty of time, and skip my shower to make sure I'm not late. I spend too much time eating a big bowl of cereal though, and end up joggging to my car, which, though I've parked it in the closest possible space, is still a few minutes away. I arrive at 8:32. The nice guy at the desk (we're old buds at this point) goes to check with the examiner if I can still take the test, but she's already begun, sorry.

Is that not the SADDEST thing you've ever heard? And by sad, I mean pathetic. I mean, how hard is it to plan for the time it takes to walk to one's car? Do I unconsciously not want to get a job and starve?

wahhh

my blog is down at the bottom of the page again. Anybody know why this happens?

prison reform news

Thank god for these folks - a bunch of lawyers battling horrifying conditions in California prisons:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/latimests/20051011/ts_latimes/lawyersgobehindbarsasguardiansofprisonerrights

this guy...

Here's what our president had to say about Muslim extremists:

"The militants believe that controlling one country will rally the Muslim masses, enabling them to overthrow all moderate governments in the region, and establish a radical Islamic empire that spans from Spain to Indonesia," Bush asserted.

Ok, granted. that would kind of suck. But doesn't it sound kind of us-against-them to even bring this goal up? And wouldn't it be helpful to....I dunno....work together with our friends in the area to combat extremists? There's a lot of nations between Spain and Indonesia that might object to being run by a radical Islamic empire. Not that they don't need our help and support to fight the spread of radical Islam. I guess what I'm saying is - the threat of international terror is real, but to me, this statement smacks of fear-mongering. "The other guys want to take over the WORLD! That's why this little country in the middle is so important. At least, that's our reason for today. Stay tuned for further justifications."

Here's how he summed up:

"Against such an enemy, there's only one effective response: We never back down, never give in and never accept anything less than complete victory," Bush declared.


That's right - apparently in our endlessly complicated, turbulent world, there is such thing as "complete victory*." Glad to see that at least we don't have an idealogue in charge.

*Does "complete victory" remind anyone else of "final solution"? Who is this guy's speechwriter anyway??

Life is short

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker
I have seen the eternal footman hold my coat, and snicker
And in short, I was afraid. - T.S. Eliot

Folks commented on a poem I posted about a month ago, and gave me the idea for this post. The question at hand is: How do we deal with the fact that life is short? Do we "eat, drink, and be merry"? Do we try to make the world better for those who come after us, knowing that we will not always see the results of what we do? Simplistic wisdom (thanks to the football coach from my high school) tells us to "run every play like it was your last." But does a person function best under a looming, frightening deadline? Perhaps some do. There's something to be said, however, for allowing yourself to slip into slower rhythms, and work on something like you have forever to complete it. You can feel yourself sliding into a space that's timeless, if but for a moment. Now I'm probably not making much sense. Here are two sets of song lyrics on the subject - I find one far superior to the other.

"Live Like You Were Dyin'" - Tim McGraw

He said I was in my early 40's
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news...Man what ya do.?
And he says:
I went sky divin', I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.
He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing, Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
.Well I finally read the good book,And I took a good long hard look
at what I'd doIf I could do it all again.
[Chorus]
Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,What could you do with it,
what canI do with with it, what would I do with it...

And here's the second:

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart,
If you're down so low you cannot fall,Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right and being wrong,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you had found a truth,
That brings up pain that can't be soothed,
Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you sure you won't be crawling?
If it's not for the good, why risk falling?
If everything you think you know,Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you've broken every rule and vow
And hard times come to bring you down,Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?

Now, I'll admit that neither is the most profound song ever, but I like the second much more. I'd argue that the latter deals with responsibility, while the former is more about opportunity. The Tracy Chapman song seems to suggest that at the end of life there is some sort of reckoning, a meeting with God, something I don't neccessarily believe in. What I do like is that she seems to say, "life is short - you're not so big and important and invincible as you think." She suggests that dealing with one's own mortality brings humility, and the desire to change, and follow more fruitful pursuits. Tim McGraw's song, I think, has a smaller world view. He does talk about giving forgiveness, and being a better husband and father - but notice that even there, he focuses on his own personal growth, the words "husband" and "father" are his roles, that he's trying to improve his performance in. He wants to cram in all the fun he can, and suck the marrow out of life. I totally support his desire to live life to the fullest (though I'm not sure why he needed to include the unfortunate name of the bull). But isn't there more to life than that? Maybe not when you look at the world as an individual, or even as a member of your family, but when you look at yourself as a member of your community, an actor in the environment - doesn't your mortality give you a sense of urgency in working towards making your world a better place? And if it does, might you perhaps have to forgo some bullriding and mountain-climbing, to save some energy and bravery for more productive tasks?

Just a thought. The Tim McGraw song, to me, is an example of a lot of what's wrong with the way pop culture, and our culture in general approaches spirituality these days. It goes somewhere interesting, and it says something positive and nice, but it just doesn't go deep enough. It doesn't say anything bad, but it doesn't say anything good either. Sentimentality can be as dangerous as a lie.

cruel and unusual

Slacktivist wrote a post about a letter in the (Delaware-based) NewsJournal, in which a reader wrote to complain about a series of articles about poor healthcare in Delaware prisons, entitled, "Delaware's Deadly Prisons". Here's the letter:

I see a lot of talk about how Delaware is a horrid state for what it did, or didn't do, to its prisoners. I cannot believe you are in such an uproar over the death of a felon.
I am not a big fan of Ruth Ann Minner, but if this is how she runs things, good on her.
The guy was in prison, and not just for a first offense, but for violating parole. That means he got arrested, charged, convicted, and then basically didn't care enough to follow rules. Maybe prison needs to be this way.
Honestly, I could care less about you if you're in prison. It isn't supposed to be fun, easy or enjoyable. It's supposed to make you not want to come back. So if things like this happen, hey, don't break the law, and you won't have to worry about it.
Innocent people die every day, and yet you are worried about a felon like he is some kind of saint? I don't care what excuse you have for burglary, at 21, you don't need to do it. You can always find a job. McDonald's is always hiring, the military is always hiring, so they aren't excuses. Any one who pities this man, or anyone else in prison is sick.
J.G., Newark

Many people commented on his post, arguing against this person's stance, though most focused on the unfairness of the system, in regards to who actually ends up in jail. I agree, though I felt the need to add this:

Going back to the original post for a moment - There are many people in prisons for the wrong reasons. However, even if EVERYONE in jail was certifiably guilty in every way, brutal treatment would still be a mistake.
Cruel punishment, as a deterrant, does work for many people. However, there are many others - the mentally ill, those raised by gangs and/or extremely young parents, those who are so impoverished that they believe they have nothing to lose - who do not really appreciate the threat of punishment, or even really understand cause and effect - their worlds are that warped.
That's one argument against it - the other is that prison violence and mistreatment does not prevent the recurrance of crime. You do not make a person more gentle and respectful by exposing them to rape, violence, and cruelty. Have you ever seen an animal that's been beaten and abused? It becomes a dangerous beast.

It seems an intrinsic truth, that the closer we are to nature, the closer we are to God.

"It was then that I realized it..."

"...no one had ever told her about the end of love in Manhattan."

Oh man! Gotta love Sex and the City. Rented the first few episodes and I'm enjoying. If you fancy yourself a fan of the show, I made up a ridiculously hard test about really random Sex and the City trivia. Here's the url:

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=11522628651036247883

sad little men

Maybe everyone goes through this, but I've started to notice that men are getting more and more useless by the year. Listen up, guys, here's a few tips you need to know.

1) If you like a girl, and she gives you her number, fucking call her. If you don't have a phone....how old are you again?

2) If you meet a girl off the internet, and she wants to meet up, guess who's gonna be jumping in the car and at least going HALFway. You. That's right. Get your lazy ass out of your bathrobe, walk away from the computer, and get in the goddamned car.

3) Don't do shitty things, then beat yourself up about it, wallow in your guilt, then do the same things all over again. I'm sure the guilt helps you to draw lovely things or write lovely odes, or whatever, but write that shit, make your art, and then get the hell over it. Learn from your mistakes.

The person, really, who has to learn from her mistakes, is me. Bye, losers.