it's all good

I had my audition at a local church tonight, and I really didn't do all that well. Actually, I felt the job might have been a bit beyond my capabilities, so I wasn't all that surprised. I was surprised, though at how I felt when I got in my car to go home. Back in Maryland, if I did badly on an interview, I would think, "God, I suck" etc etc, and feel horrible about myself. I really think that living in a place where one's job doesn't neccessarily define one gives me more perspective. That, and I did work hard for this audition. I think I skimped a little on the last-minute prep, and may have been a few minutes late (gasp!) but I did *almost* my best.

Yes, I need to work on my skills, be more organized, and generally "get my shit together". I'm not making any excuses for that. But I got in the car, and turned on the radio to the jazz station, and they were playing this incredible piece - it was really good, and unique, and I was in awe of it for a moment. Being able to discern something of quality and meaning in art, and to be moved by it, is one of my gifts. Maybe I won't get to use that gift at this particular job, but I'll still have it. I'll still be me.