Contra bliss

I went to a contra dance with my friend Leeann last weekend, as part of my 29th (the horror!) birthday celebration. I'm getting to really enjoy the local contra group - it's small but a lot of fun. Plus some guy told me I was a good dancer last week, which may have been the only time those words have ever been uttered about me. He's good, too, so I was very flattered! I must be improving!

Contra dancing is hard to describe, but I've often explained it to people as a mix between english country dance (think the movie Emma, but hillbilly style) and square dance, done to Irish, Scottish, or American jigs and reels (uptempo fiddle music). Here's a picture from Doug Plummer's website, used by permission.

Teaching is hard

This is my first week of teaching, and also doing my 20-hr a week retail job. I thought I would teach 20 hrs a week, but so far I have 12 hrs, and I'm overwhelmed by lesson planning and keeping track of my students and their progress. I have 19 students, though some of them are in group lessons. I did the math, and I will JUST get by on this salary. Anybody got a fool-proof money-making scheme? I had hoped to save up some money this year! Should I bite the bullet and try to take on more lessons?

It's fall!

Early fall is my favorite time of year!
Cool weather but still lush greenery.

This weekend I went to a contradance by myself (ended up seeing some friends there, though) - great band! Also went to a new church, went to eat at a coffee shop by myself (struck up a conversation with a random guy. Think he was like 20, though. whoops.) Then I went to the choir social, and knocked back a few with some choir nerds. Last but not least, I went to the world's scariest yard sale (furniture, psychology books, and bondage porn. I'm not kidding.)

Angry toddlers and swanky bars

I felt the need to record this dream:

In my dream I'm hanging out in some bar or other by myself. Apparently it's a place I go to a lot, now that I live in Dsm (by the way, i'm not sure why Des Moinsians refer to their town by their airport code. Nobody in Chicago says, "Welcome to Ord!") There are all these people I know there (but that I don't know in real life). There's the eccentric intellectual; everybody crowds around his table to hear him talk. He has floppy blond hair and wears a scarf. There's two half-drunk musicians at the front of the room, playing Patty Griffin songs from her newest (non-exsistent) album. I am singing along from a lyric sheet. At the table nearest me is a brainy kid with glasses, very aloof and quiet, that I apparently have a huge crush on. I think my Patty Griffin song-singing is improving, but I leave, because I have finished my 2nd drink and thus spent all my money.

Outside, it's still daylight, and I'm in a bad mood. A little kid, and I mean, a toddler, goes by on a tricycle and gives me the finger. I flick him off, back. Suddenly a truck pulls up and a big 30-something guy gets out, with a crazy handlebar mustache. Lordy, I think, this kid's dad is going to kick my ass. Instead he starts asking me about what kind of car I drive. Great, I think, he's going to do something to my car. Then I slowly realize that he owns an auto body shop - he keeps pointing to messages written on his truck like "we do body work and paint" and he's giving me a sales pitch.

Finally I get "home" where I live above another, rowdier bar. A bunch of guys have accidentally set something on fire, and are trying to put it out. I go upstairs, where I watch that Mystery Science Theater 2000 show, execpt instead of making fun of a regular movie, they are making fun of some sort of anime porn. It's pretty disturbing, and I wake up.

How does my subconscious mind have the free time to think this stuff up??

I teach tonight

I teach tonight. I must make my lesson plan before I go in. Why does it feel like terror?

Last week I almost had some sort of panic attack before my lessons began on Wedenesday (hell-day, I call it - I teach five classes in a row) Actually I WANTED to have a panic attack, I got myself into such a state that I was dizzy in my classroom. I really hoped I would faint, because that would prove I was unfit to teach that day. But unfortunately (for my escape plan!), I pulled it together. My lessons actually went pretty well - I was calmed down by a kind co-worker, and then later by the sound of my own voice, clearly in charge, calm and assured. It wasn't how I felt, but by listening to it, gradually I got my s!@# together. Afterwards I took myself out for mexican, and had a beer. I was proud of myself for that too, because I'm one of those people who is scared to dine alone in public. Silly but true.

Anyway, I was really exhillerated by my triumph last week - basically that I didn't run away, and even did an ok job. So if I could manage to live through my second week, and act like a responsible adult, why do I feel just as terrified come this Monday?