Hola, Blogosphere.

So, it's been a while since I've written on this thing. A lot has happened, really. I moved to North Carolina. I quit working for the store, a job I loved, because my boss was a jerk. Now I have a job I sort of like, making enough money to get by, but feel nervous often, because though I have lots of work friends, I feel like I don't really fit in with the culture there. On my first day there, a long-time employee told me that a lot of people had recently been fired for what seemed like no reason. Tonight I met the guy no one thought should have been fired.
I'm aware that a big hospital can be heartless - and that employees can be disposable, but I really didn't feel like being reminded of it right before I'm about to resign a lease at my first decent apartment in years. After a succession of bad career decisions, I've spent the last few years clawing and scraping my way into the working class. I can support myself and my ugly student loans, and I take a lot of pride in that. But I've learned the hard way (Jeff's death, etc.), that it can all be whisked away in a second. Freedom really is nothing left to lose - now I've got a basket full of things I want to keep that I guard like a hen (holy mixed metaphors!). And a cute boyfriend who goes into a deep well of self-loathing when I reject him, that doesn't help either. Am I waiting for the other shoe to drop because I'm doing the wrong things? Have I built my security on the wrong things, like a house built on sand? I probably need to trust God to provide again. But we had a few disagreements, so I started relying on me - and let's face it, I'm a little flaky too.