Weird shit I miss about drinking

1) Falling down. My apartment is suddenly very easy to navigate. It used to be more of a challenge. I sort of miss the challenge.

2) Also dropping stuff and other motor skill challenges. I just opened a bottle of seltzer water, and it didn't spill at ALL! I let air out of it several times to diffuse the bubbles. It's like being some kind of GENIUS. I miss concentrating hard about doing mundane things. Like whether or not I have to go to the bathroom. And then deciding I do, and getting there just in time! It's like a race against NATURE ITSELF!

3)Thinking I am completely awesome for a couple hours each night. "Damn, I can sing!" "Damn I have a nice ass!" are things I used to think on a regular basis. I never went as far as to think I could dance, though.

4)Living in the moment, instead of some distant future or foggy past.

Things I don't miss about drinking:

1) Drunk dialing people. I once drunk dialed my boyfriend a million times when he was trying to talk to his boss. And threatened to kill myself for effect. Yeah, I was that girl. I also drunk dialed my long-lost buds, and probably made no sense, but hey, I kept in touch. I also once drunk dialed my GRANDMA. Who saw through that shit but was too polite to say so. I wish somebody along the way hadn't been so polite, a little earlier.

2) Throwing up red wine. Nough said.

3)Having a maintenance guy come into my apartment, and say, "oh, wow, looks like you had a great party."

4)Drunk crying. It seriously sucks.

To be continued, I guess. I wonder what the fuck step this is?