conversation with Chris

It was good to talk to my friend Chris tonight. He's so very grounded. Chris lives in a world of meant-to-bes and certainties, some of which I reject, but at the same time, he has insight, even vision, into the world around him sometimes that's really uncanny.

I didn't talk with him about the situation with OOMMA (the object of my misguided affection), but I know what he would say. He lives in a world of black and white, divinely ordained or not. I know I'm simplifying my friend's thought process, it's not that he doesn't think things out. But he wouldn't offer reasoned explanations or if/then scenarios about this - he'd just say, "It wasn't meant to be."

I had a vivid daydream, imagining me, standing below OOMMA's window, holding my stereo with both hands, wearing my my red trenchcoat and combat boots, doing my best Lloyd Dobbler, playing David Gray's "You're the One I Love."

And I'm proud of the little Kim in my head, fighting for love, putting herself on the line, I'm glad she wants to step into the fray. She's become a romantic hero, not a princess in a tower. Even my fantasy world has gotten liberated. Who'da thought?

Here in the real world, though, a lot other factors come into play. Roses and public humiliation are all well and good, but being patient when someone doesn't want to go at your pace...calling someone when you know they might need it, not just when you need to vent...letting someone change their life in positive ways, even if it means a little negative for you, that's the stuff of love. I've been so caught up in what I think I deserve or don't deserve, that I've lost my larger focus. If you love something, let it go? Yes, probably best.