What is rich? Can you tell me...

Today NPR's "Talk of the Nation" was doing a show about wealth, and how people define it. How rich do you have to be to be considered wealthy? Is it about an actual monetary value, or opportunities? Most people in our country, even the very rich, consider themselves "middle class" though this has more to do with values and lifestyle than actual net worth.

Several people called in to share their stories regarding wealth - here's mine. I grew up in a single parent household; my mother was a secretary at a small construction company. My father paid no child support, though I did have very generous middle class grandparents who helped in many ways, including provision of day care and much of my college tuition. I lived in the increasingly affluent D.C. suburbs, and went to the best high school in my county (shut up, Frederick High grads, it was!), and most of my friends' parents were scientists or teachers. My mother considered any family that had two incomes immensely wealthy, especially if one of them had a well-paying government position (many did in our area). These families, of course, did not consider themselves "rich", many of them had moved here from the even more affluent New Jersey suburbs, and had several children to raise with their middle class salaries. Their kids wore hand-me-downs, and they shopped for bargains at the grocery store just like we did. Still, my mom considered them "rich", because we faced problems they might never have to face. I was largely embarrassed by her feeling that we were somehow at odds with my friends' families, this class-warfare-type idea that they would never understand us.

When we went out to eat, we left the bare minimum for a tip, and always asked if there was an extra charge when we wanted more guacomole, cheese, or whatever. I was taught by hanging out with my friends' families that this was completely tacky behavior in a nice restaurant. What I didn't realize was that my mom was only able to take me out to eat, and provide similar luxuries, by watching out for tiny details and small expenses. I was mortified when she groveled to the gas company (after mom missed ONE payment, and the heat was turned off), even dissolving into tears, to try to lower the $200 reconnect fee. How ghetto are we, I wondered, that we have to cry about $200? Isn't our dignity worth just sucking it up and paying the bill? Mom carefully contrived such a convincing middle-class upbringing for me that I didn't know we didn't have the choice.

The first time I really realized that there was a difference between me and most of my classmates was when we learned about the economic "classes" in honors high school history. Our teacher drew a chart on the board, which showed the household income requirements for entry into the upper, middle, or lower classes, and their subdivisions. He pointed into the middle-middle class, and said that most of our parents' incomes probably fit into that category, with some of them fitting into the upper-middle. Many students agreed , and there was even a show of hands to see who fit into the middlest-middle category. I didn't raise my hand, and noticed that I wasn't even a contender for the lower-middle - I fit firmly into the lower class. It was like having a dirty secret - as we discussed the hardships of the lower class, looking down with sympathy, I had to conceal the fact that I was one of the unwashed horde we spoke of with such concern.

I don't tell this story to engender sympathy, but to explain why I think that an individual's description of "rich" depends entirely upon his or her own situation. In this amazingly affluent country, we never describe ourselves as rich, but we're quick to point out whom of our neighbors qualifies for the title. The fact is, I've had a college education, have traveled to Europe, and have a considerable network of family and friends to call upon should disaster strike. This is more than what most people in the world have had - in these ways, I'm quite wealthy. Sure, I've been disadvantaged in some situations, mostly relating to gender or economic class, but my advantage was knowing that these practices are unfair, and that they are subject to change. Many people who have been far more severely disadvantaged do not realize or believe they can fight injustices, but I've been priveleged enough to have that rarest of commodities - hope. All and all, I consider myself one of the wealthiest people on Earth, because statistically, I am. And also because true wealth is perspective.